Spider on the Dashboard

I'm not a girly-girl.  I've always been a tomboy.  I don't mind snakes, bugs, scorpions, and critters.  But I really don't like spiders.  Really, really, really don't like spiders.  I mean....YUCK!

So...I was making a trip to Black Mountain, NC two weekends ago.  Motoring along minding my own business and happily listening to the ipod and staring sedately out the windshield.  All of a sudden I caught movement out of the corner of my eye.  It was a spider - in my car!  Hopping a free ride to who-knows-where it thought I was going??!!!??  I grabbed the MapQuest directions and swatted it off the windshield.  Since I was doing roughly 70mph at this time I was praying I hadn't flicked the darn thing straight into my hair or something (shudder.)  Problem solved.

Roughly 30 minutes later and with about 3 diet cokes going through my system, I was going more like 80mph down I-40 in a serious bathroom quest.  As I glanced down to confirm my speed there sat the spider - right at the 70mph mark.  I'm not sure but I think the arrogant little arachnid gave me the finger with one of his legs.   He was baby-poop yellow and not very big but it was still a spider.  And he was supposed to be squished the first time.  And where are Seven and Panda when you need them?  Bug control is their JOB.

In my blissful ignorance and hurry to get to my destination I didn't notice the lack of spider-goo on the MapQuest directions.  Obviously no spider-goo means no dead spider.  Lack of spider-goo means live spider still moseying around the car at free will.  This is not acceptable to me.

So I looked down to get something to smash him with.   But as I was looking down to deal with my little arachnid issue I drew up very quickly upon the back end of a UPS truck.  Very quickly.  Anyone who tells you that when facing possible death or dismemberment your life flashes before your eyes - lied.  All I thought was "oh crap, this is going to hurt AND leave a mark."  Thank heavens my reaction time to the back end of a UPS truck is as quick as my reaction to a spider.  I smashed the brake pedal to the floor and bless the Princess (the Hummer) and her 4-wheel drive and her anti-lock brakes and traction control as she gracefully slowed herself with a few inches to spare.  I take back every bad thing I said about Princess and the kick to the tire I gave her when she decided to blow a fuse and not start a few weeks ago.

So...with disaster and doom avoided I grabbed my book and smashed the crap out of that spider, right there on the speedometer glass.  NOW I have spider-goo.  NOW I know it's dead.  I thought about cleaning off the speedometer during my bathroom break but decided to leave the little spider splatter and remains there as a badge of honor. I wanted to know that for one brief second my hand was the Spider Hand of God that brought enlightenment down upon the little beast.  Sherri, Spider Warrior Princess.

Sorry God, sorry Buddha for killing a living creature.  He should have taken the train.

Oh yeah...I did end up wiping the spider-goo off the glass.

Hard Day at Work, The Bathtub Mystery, and The Tree

Seven:
Whooooweeeeeee.  I had a rough day.  It started with me climbing under the bed and scratching around on the boxspring to wake Mom up to come feed me.  Her and Dad call it "making the donuts."  Then I spent about 30 minutes running up and down the hallway (meowing) at top speed.  Then I chased my stuffed mouse around the house for a bit - before making sure I shoved it under the entertainment center so Mom would have to crawl around on the floor with a flashlight and wooden spoon to get it out later.  Then I took a long nap on the bed and the only reason I got up was because I heard the refrigerator door and had to go check out if there was anything on mom's dinner plate worth begging for.  Rough day!!

Panda and Seven:
Humans do weird things sometimes.  Dad had a sore back so he got in the big round thing (not the toilet, that's the small round thing) and filled it with bubbly stuff and smelly stuff.  I (Seven) thought the bubble things were great!  I smacked them around with my paws and ate them.  I did this once before when Mom was in the tub and I fell in.  That was really not that much fun.  I'm not sure why Mom and Dad think this whole bath thing is really cool.

Panda:
Rockin' around the Christmas tree.....
Oh!  Hi there.  I love, love, love Christmas.  When I was a baby kitten (hard for me to remember that long ago) Mom had her first real Christmas tree.  It was well over 7 feet tall and smelled so good.  So I climbed it. Apparently it wasn't quite snug enough in the tree stand because when I climbed to the very tippy-top of it we went crashing to the floor.  Mom wasn't very happy with me (but I had fun and kept climbing the tree!)  So we have this year's fake tree up.  I am wayyyyyy too mature and dignified to climb the tree now.  But Seven, that little maniac, has been trying to pull the branches off, batting around the decorations, etc.  Mom swatted  him on the butt with the dish towel tonight - ha ha ha.  But then the little idiot tried to chew through the christmas lights cord.  Umm...hello?  Do you know what you will look like, Seven, if you get to the wires inside the rubber??  What a child you are.

Seven:
Will chewing through the cord make me do something like this?????  Ouch.  How embarassing.

Philosophic Ramblings of a Wandering Mind

Anonymous:  So what is life all about, anyway?  There are three chilling words that will make you really ponder this question:  "you have cancer."  All it takes to really get the thoughts flowing is a four-hour road trip by yourself.  Accompanied by a myriad of songs on the ipod (Neil Diamond to Eminem to Limp Bizkit to Donna Summer to Peggy Lee to Queen to Metallica to Michael Jackson...and more) and the hum and whine of the tires on the blacktop and the mind is free, almost forced actually, to wander as far as it wants.

So, is life about being on the computer by 8am on Monday morning to respond to 100's of emails from people who have never met you and never will?  Who won't be happy no matter what you do?  Or is it about driving along a NC interstate looking at the brilliant reds, yellows, and oranges of the changing leaves?  Or stopping at a lookout and gazing across a vast valley that appears to be on fire with the brilliance of the colors?

Is it about attending meetings where you hear how everything will change and be better, but you know most things stay the same?  Or is it seeing someone you love more than is imaginable suffer with a disease that is tearing apart him, his family, and you?  And wishing with all your being you could fix it, but you can't?

Is it about having a big house, big car, big bank account, nice clothes, nice jewelry?  Or driving up a hill at 70mph and passing a semi that is struggling to go 30mph, smiling to yourself when you imagine a time in the not too distant future where YOU will be in the right-hand lane listening to the powerful hum of the diesel engine powering it's precious cargo up that same hill?  Or is it the reverse in action - taking your foot off the gas and coasting down a 6% grade and letting your car inch faster and faster just for the thrill of it?  While semis and motor coaches ease slowly down that grade with the unmistakable roar of a Jake-brake kicking in?

Is it worrying about how fast you can get through the check-out line at the grocery store or going faster to make a yellow light because you don't have "time" to get caught in a red light?  Or is it walking out on your balcony on a cold fall evening and smelling firewood burning in fireplaces behind closed doors?  People you will never see or meet enjoying the simple pleasure of a crackling fire on a cold night, unknowingly sharing a small part of that joy with you.  Or is it the feel of the soft touch of a paw on your face from a hungry feline family member who really wants you to wake up, right now, and feed him?  Is it the simple joy of finding someone that you can do your silly faces, silly dances, silly voices in front of and not feel (too) stupid?

Is our life about chasing the dollar, working 50+ hours a week to collect a paycheck only to have no time to spend it?  Or is it about your dreams?  Selling it all, packing your precious pets, your remaining belongings into that motor coach and hitting the road?  Sure, you may make less money.  It might be a struggle.  Or it could be the best thing you ever did.  Summer in Wyoming, winter in the Keys - or wherever a whim and a map takes you.  Following the jobs wherever they may take you...meeting new and interesting people along the way.  Many of these people will be older than you and have stories to share that could entertain you for hours, days, weeks, months years.  You might even learn a thing or two.  The dream of parking the rig in a park alongside a beautiful stream and waking to the sounds and smells of green grass, forests, and bubbling water.  And the privilege of seeing all that nature has to offer from coast to coast along with the man-made miracles along the way?  Of sitting around a campfire, alone or with someone special or with a group of friends or people you just met that day and now call "friend," sharing music, stories, laughter, and a burnt marshmallow or two?

Life is what you want it to be.  Life is about being brave enough to take a chance, to scoff at the "norm" and the doubters, to go out and grab life while the grabbing is good.  Life is, or should be, about the simple pleasures in life - whatever yours may be.  So for anyone who thinks the dream of a life on the road can't be done or shouldn't be done I ask you - what is YOUR life about?

Ipods, Flying Cats, Dad Pays a Visit, Paranormal Activity

Seven:  I am in BIG, BIG, BIG trouble.  Mom bought the new Ipod Nano.  Apparently getting one of these is equivalent to getting a Cabbage Patch doll for your human child in 1983 in time for Christmas.  Anyway - she got one.  It's tiny.  It's green.  It has cords - one for things she sticks in her ears and one she puts into the computer for God knows what.  Well, anyway - the day she got this odd thing she spent a few hours loading it all up with songs, charging it, and whatever else you do with it.  I thought the cords looked kinda fun so I chewed through them.  Both of them.  A mere hours after the guy in the purple outfit brought it to our door. I really thought Sherri was going to throw me off the balcony.  She was M-A-D mad.  She spanked my butt really hard and kinda threw me out the door of her office.  It was really humiliating.  But now I feel bad because I know I did something really awful.  And no matter how many times I meow at her or give her my "cute face" or beg (see below)...she won't give in.  She is really, really mad at me.  I am going to have to do something drastic like curl up on her lap or something to get over this one.  Sigh.  I am a bad, bad kitty. I hope she isn't going to leave me here in the apartment by myself when she goes "on the road" in the RV thing - I really hope she takes me with her!  I am so sad....

Panda:  Yep, Seven really did it this time.  But I, of course, am still in good favor and get to sleep on mom's lap and I do make sure to let Seven know.  I possibly even gloat a little bit.  Dad came to visit for a couple of days.  He is having a hard time and he really wants to be back with our Mom.  Sherri took him to Tom Johnson's RV and showed him some of the rigs she likes.  I think he was initially confused because whenever Mom was talking about the RV thing he got this glazed look in his eyes.  All you guys out there know exactly what I am talking about.  But after they went to that place Dad was watching an RV 101 video with her so maybe, maybe, maybe he is going to come along?

Back when we all lived in our old house Seven used to do this really weird thing:  he would sit in one spot in the living room (about 6 inches away from the wall) and just stare at the wall.  It really freaked mom and dad out!  They started calling him "paranormal cat."  Of course, there has never been anything normal about him but that is another story and it is late.  So...the Saturday before Hallowe'en - the same day they did the RV thing - they went to see the movie "Paranormal Activity 2."  I HATE it when mom watches these movies because she hugs me WAY too tight when I crawl up on her pillow!  Anyway, I digress.  They came back and were talking about how scary the movie was but then they rented Nightmare on  Elm Street!  That makes no sense.  The next night when Mom was home alone - this was so funny to watch - she turned out all the lights in the living room and basically ran down the hallway to the safety and lights of the bedroom.  Huh.  Umm...if there IS a ghost in the house is there some reason he or she can't run down the hallway, too?  Did she really think that was going to help?   I mean, apparently hiding didn't work too well for the people in the movie now did it?  Just to be obnoxious and prove my point I waited until she turned all the lights out and then went and pawed open the closet door.  It squeaks.  I'm pretty sure mom squeaked when I did it.  I think she blamed it on Paranormal Cat.  I snickered.  Fun was had by all. Well, at least by me.